How soon should I commit?

If you are dating someone new things can be complicated

Should I settle down?
Should I settle down?

 What if you like them more than they like you?  Or the other way round?  It can be hard to know the point when you should stop search and commit to a relationship.

Everyone longs for some form of connection with someone else. Beginning a relationship can be a difficult new step in someone’s life. Rushing into a relationship is bound to cause issues at one point or another. Going too slow could also give mixed messages to the receiving end. It can never be perfectly clear as to how soon a relationship should become serious. This may be different for everyone, but in general the same guidelines can be followed.

New Beginnings

 In the start of a relationship, it is important to keep things slow. As much as you may want to steadily move along, this will not benefit either of you. If you are dating someone who pressures you to advance, they may not be the right choice. When starting down a new path, it is easy to find yourself confused. This can lead to the horrible mistake of following the crowd. Just because others around you may be rushing in, that does not mean you should do the same. Get to know the person you are dating by having involved conversations.

What to do

Before committing yourself to this person, take them out on a couple of dates.  A simple dinner and/or movie will suffice. Do not do anything too fancy or overly romantic. This could scare your interest away. In most cases it is best to not be too serious, even if that is what you long to do. Trying to be serious in the start can come across as desperate. Be friendly, conversational and remain interested throughout the entire relationship.

When to Commit

If the courtship has gone well, it may be time to take the next step. By this point you should be able to read this person decently well. If being together still seems awkward and tense, this is definitely not the time to move forward. Ease further into the relationship. After a few dates, propose going steady. Making the relationship official is subtle, but a nice small step toward commitment. Your date can end up being uninterested or nervous about continuing on. After some time if they decide they are not interested, respect their wishes. On the other hand, if they seem nervous, reassure them that you understand and are willing to take things slow. The right time will come to take that next step. If  you’ve been online dating , it is up to you to figure if meeting in person is the right choice.

Fools Rush In

More times than not, relationships have been destroyed by a rushed relationship. Generally, one partner may feel overwhelmed or even pressured. This can especially occur if you’ve had sex! Unless two people are already in a serious and very committed relationship, it is in everyone’s best interest to not engage in sexual activity too quickly. Not only can this end a relationship, but it may cause extreme discomfort that did not need to happen. Before advancing on to such a strong point, be sure both of you are ready. Online dating does not usually last very long. If you are looking for love, you may be looking in the wrong place.

Building up to a strong and steady relationship can take months. Sometimes couples seem to be very serious from the very start. Keep things moderately slow to ensure both partners are on the same page. In some cases, a very serious relationship can take almost a year. A relationship should be enjoyed.

So take all the time you need.   If you want to commit after two dates, two months or two years then it’s completely your choice. Just make sure you are both happy and having fun!


As a top UK Dating Coach , I’ve been giving singles dating advice for the last ten years.  I can help with anything that you like – from online dating to flirting, body language to getting more dates.

If you need some dating relationship advice or would like some personal dating coaching please contact me via the link to my website below.

Don’t waste any more time when you could be dating some amazing people!