A breach of trust in a relationship can be a devastating moment, no matter how long you’ve been together for.
Trust can be difficult to rebuild in a relationship, whether it’s been damaged because of infidelity, disloyalty, or simply a disagreement over something trivial. As with everything in a relationship, how you communicate and deal with the issue will determine whether or not you’re left stronger as a couple.
If you’ve been betrayed and you decide to stick with your partner, it can be hard to know what to do next. Can you simply forgive and forget, or is there more to the process than that? If you care deeply about the relationship, re-establishing the trust in your partnership will lead to a stronger and more rewarding relationship.
Take time out after the initial shock
To begin with, you’ll feel upset, betrayed and may even blame yourself. Taking some time away from your partner to think over the facts will help you heal and get over the initial shock. Remember:
* It may be difficult to forget about the incident, but taking you mind off it will help you gain some perspective on the matter.
* All is not lost – the betrayal will have taught you a lot about your partner, and you also have plenty of things in your life that are still meaningful and happy.
* Your friends, family and the simple things are enough to give your life meaning – rediscovering them during this period will give you clarity.
We can all over react or say things we don’t mean in emotional situations. Take some time to think about what was said, and how you can remedy the situation. Don’t make any rash decisions based on your gut instinct. The key things that need to be reinstated are forgiveness and trust. Without those, it will be hard for your relationship to survive.
Decide if the relationship is worth saving
Now is the time to take stock of your relationship. Think about the times that you’ve had together –is it worth the commitment and work of getting things back on track and regaining the trust? Is your partner a good one, and have you generally had a great relationship up until this point?
You should also think about why you’re in the relationship. Are you simply with them because you need the security of a relationship, or because you really value them as a person and enjoy being with them? Getting these thoughts clear in your head will make things easier when it comes to talking things through with your partner.
Forgive, forget and regain that trust
Understanding why the betrayal happened is the key to forgiving and regaining trust with each other. In this Youtube video, featuring eHarmony’s relationship expert Jenni Trench Hughes, she recommends that you don’t take on a parental tone with your partner and should take turns to listen to each other.
Once you’ve taken stock and forgiven them, don’t let the incident sour your relationship in the future. You need to trust that they won’t mess up again, so don’t keep bringing it up, especially if you fall out over other trivial things. It needn’t be a sticking point.
The most important thing is to let it go. If you’re still thinking about it months or even years after the betrayal happened, then you may need to reassess whether you can still enjoy a relationship with your partner.
When you’ve finally forgiven and forgotten, you will find that your relationship is strengthened. You’ll both also have learnt a little something about one another, hopefully leading to a more honest and open partnership for you both.
